He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
