I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
