she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
