There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
