Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
