My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
