My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize