dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
