Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
