I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize