I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
