When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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