I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
