I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you had me at cake vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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