sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
