I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
