In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
