bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
