If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
