Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
