Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
