just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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