We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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