I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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