theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
accomplished twins. life is a go
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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