my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
