get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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