My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
