Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
