I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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