at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
