I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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