all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
