lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
