Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
