NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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