East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
