She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize