I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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