I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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