Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize