You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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