she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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