Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize