I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
