I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
