there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
