i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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