just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
