you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
