All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
