I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
