I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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