Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
