Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
