Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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