If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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