i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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