ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
