I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I faked an abortion last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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