Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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