I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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