I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
