I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
