not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
