Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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