what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
