I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
