Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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