hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
