He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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