I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
