he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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