She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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