In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize