i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
