Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
