It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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