i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
