i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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