how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In America we eat man semen.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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