I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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