Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
