I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I stole a fireplace last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
