I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
