Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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