then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize