I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize