Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
