The maid of honor just puked.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
