You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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