Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
